What gives?…. I usually find myself on the opposite end of any fashion, be it clothing, cars….pop culture and yes, photography. I love film.
Don’t get me wrong for I have shot digital since it came out, just like many people. I can recall when I worked in sales/business, where I won a camera as a prize for winning a sales contest, and I was given this modern camera that had “auto mode” …The tech was fabulous and that was in the early 80’s.
I can remember dumping my film cameras and picking up tech from that point…digital camera’s…yeah!!!! But something happened between that time and lets say…..13 years ago. I dumped my digitals and picked up film once more. Yes film…… and let me layout a me reasoning here. First…what eventually were ‘bugging points’ about digital and second, what are my ‘love handles’ for film.
Digital Bugging Points:
First….I got tired of a 1000 shots (or seemingly) every time I would venture out with my digital camera. Like a machine gun; ratta-tat-tat….ratta-tat-tat….ratta-tat-tat, ratty-tat-tat. But I remember distinctly (during and after the capturing process) telling myself that somewhere within that ratta-tat-tat, that there was bound to be one good photo.
Second…photography became easy. Even 13 years ago the ‘skill’…the ‘challenge’…the process of taking a shot was just stale. Like an old lady…a dry piece of bread. Not sure how best to describe but the word ‘stale’ comes to mind. I walk out the door and just press the button and, yes….place in auto-mode please. Auto-focus, aperture priority….ISO at 20,000 or whatever….take a shot. Wow, wasn’t that fun. Let me pat myself on the back or….should I say, pat the camera on the back.
Third….I would have those same 1000 images to go thru in photoshop. I might spend days on the computer pouring over shots that were essentially the same and yet taken ‘nano-seconds’ apart…. “Let me see, which one of these exact same 20 photo’s looks better than the others. Okay, that one, I guess. Now for the next grouping of 20, and the next and the next until I get to the end of what that memory card holds. Now, how to store all of these and where and how and will I really ever look at them much again? I am imaged out man….It is like the postal system and never runs out. More mail….mail today, mail tomorrow and mail the next day. Images now, a 100 tomorrow, 500 the next day, 200 the day after ….. I am going “postal’….Help me…..
Fourth…no character, just looking for total sharpness. Can I see that person’s nose hair? Blow up the shot to 200% on photoshop and what does it look like? Perfect, right? If not…toss it. Is the image in correct exposure? Do I need to do something in photoshop that might take me hours to produce, just so I can gain perfection…total sharpness….anality to the nth degree in all aspects…. EEEEEEK…. turn off that computer. Stand up and say “I am as crazy as hell and am not going to take it anymore. “….
Now….for the Aspect of Wanting FILM:
Those and other reasons just led me to film. Film demands for me to not only ‘be in the zone’ when I take it, but film provides a very tactile experience for me and film simply has character. Let me speak to that first—-character.
Character…. what is it? It can be deep shadows…..roughness in how they look and play against the whites and grays. Just look at that photo I have to the left, or just go thru my ‘pages’ and view my projects. Do you see the difference between my film and your digital? If so….you have found character. Oh, scratches, and dust and water marks are also character. Together, they represent an image that just has mood. I love it. It is like being forgiving with your lover who might be carrying a bit more weight than normal, or ‘goes off on a dime’ and freaks out about some odd thing she/he heard about. Sure, they drive you nuts but ….you still love them. You make love to them despite the flaws because it is those same flaws that allow the hormones and juices to flow for desire and lust.
How about tactile feel….. The minute I open up the canister with the film and just exist…(look ma, no hands)…. I smell the film. mmmmmm, it smells rich. It immediately takes me back to my entire 60+ years of life when I would load film and that ‘odor’, so unique to film, connects me to my past. Then I load the film….stretch it out, …hit the sprockets….feel it catch and take a few blank shutter presses. I haven’t even taken a shot and yet, look at the tactile-ness I have hit upon. Like feeling your lover’s body….knowing their skin…knowing their spots that emit a sharpness of breath, a gasp…a moan….a release. Without your sense of feel making love….you lack that pure lushness within.
Now….in taking the shot—-depending on my camera but since I use old film camera’s …well, I do it all. I go thru the steps of the entire process….… Know how connected I become to each image I shoot. I don’t press the shutter just to press. Rather, I approach each shot as a piece of art. Carefully I craft the image with settings, scene….composition etc. One shot….not 20-30 ratta-tat-tats…..no, one shot. Then I move on. Sure, I might move around the scene a bit and take another shot, but not 20 in the same area. I slow down…my mannerisms are keen to what is around me more so as I take only one shot. What will work best. My tactileness of knowing the situation and scene. I bend low….on my knees….I turn sideways or cramp into a corner. I take a step back or forward. I take a shot…..one shot. I take my time as I take one shot, I caress the scene and merge with the light. I make love with my eyes as I am captured by the beauty in front of me as I have control….I manipulate my hands and fingers onto the camera and settings. Hago amor….ah, one shot.
That shot…the pressing of the shutter….a snap, a mechanical noise of a ‘click’…. Each camera of mine has a different click…The Olympus OM-1…Canon AE-1…Leica MA…. Barnacks model 1 and 11…. ooooooo, that click is so unique. When I press the shutter I know, ….I just know I took a shot. I feel it in the release of the shutter let alone that sound. But that sound….oh that sound. My senses are enlightened….my breath is faster…. I am drawn to that sound. It is like a moan during an erotic intense love act…. I am drawn to wanting more. That click….that sound, so akin to my lover releasing ….a shallow groan, a drive for one more….not over yet…one more…… It just draws one to do more. …..hmmmmmm.
In the zone…….establishing a quiet mind. You can’t do any artistic project and not have a quiet mind. One always needs to shed themselves of worries, ….work, family stress etc before doing photography. This is no different for digital as it is for film. But, the process of getting into the quiet mind or ‘the zone’, for me….is partially developed in the beginning. You know I love the forwarding of film as I twist the knob 360 degrees…. Then it stops. I am ready. I have advanced the film and I am ready. I am in the zone my mind is quiet. My brain is totally on the next ‘one shot’ …Is it just ahead, or around the bend, or on the sidewalk, or above or to the side. Not sure, but I know I am in the zone, I have a quiet mind. This is why I hardly ever take good photo’s when out with a group, big or small…..I just don’t get in the zone. I also don’t get in the zone when I know I have endless shots. No sir….with my film, I have at most….36 and that is if the roll is brand new to begin with. But usually I shoot at most 12 or so images in a 2-3 hour walk. Twelve (12)…. for I force myself to be in a zone. With digital, I take a 1,000 or even a 100 but I don’t take just 12. Now, I can…..but I don’t. It is just the culture behind digital as opposed to the culture of thought behind film. If you are in love with a person, you know what it is like to be in that ‘true zone’.. The mind stays in focus, your brain becomes one-dimensional and you slow move in unison with scene as you undress it…play with it…. make the scene come to you…allow it to open, be open…. be vulnerable.
All done…… the roll is done, when that might be. I have to now rewind the film and reload. Again, tactile….smells, feel, sense…..touch….grabbing and pulling and turning. When home again, …..the entire experience of the developmental process. Some people complain that for every few rolls (two per tank) that they have to spend 30-40 minutes in the dark room. Complain..? What….this is fun time for me. This is creative time…..judging and calibrating my time I want or the shots I have and how much I might want to add to the contrast or development of each roll…. I love this ‘me time’…again, my ‘in the zone time’ but at the other end…… This is when I am spent…..I lie almost in a corner, tired….my energy at a low…. ready to rest. I have captured a love.
And of course when all is said, it is pulling the film from the tank, unraveling it from the spool and catching that first glimpse of actual images on the negatives. Too light? Too dark? Just right? ….either way I pull and hang. I run my fingers over to get rid of most of the water drops and feel it as I snap the water off at the end of the strand. I leave my film to dry, like a pair of women nylon stockings hanging in the bathtub…..an allure that makes me return. Left over cuts of film lay on the floor like underwear torn off in a rage of want and desire.
I love film………